Delonte West Dribbles On LeBron James' Mom?

It is well within LeBron James’ capabilities to be the greatest basketball player of all time. Like an evolutionary Michael Jordan, only blessed with forty pounds of extra muscle, and the ability to play four different positions. LeBron is so great that a few off performances against the Boston Celtics made the entire basketball world assume something must have been wrong. Most pointed to a suspected elbow injury, while others pointed at the Cavaliers’ sub-par supporting cast. 

But it wasn’t until the dust settled a few days later that a rumour surfaced that was so outrageous, so preposterous, and so ridiculous that it couldn’t help but have hordes of people believing it was true. LeBron James’ teammate and friend, Delonte West had an ongoing sexual relationship with his mother, Gloria, and LeBron didn’t find out until just prior to game 4 against the Celtics (explaining his understandably distracted play).

Is it plausible? Not really. I mean, eww… but there are a few factors that would lend possible credence to such an unfortunate series of events.

1. Delonte West is crazy. Sure, lots of pro-athletes can be caught doing crazy stuff, but few approach the level of what Delonte did just a few months ago. Delonte, riding a three-wheeled motorcycle down the highway was pulled over by the police for speeding, and was found with three guns, including a shotgun (!) packed inside a guitar case (!!) Now, there might be a few excuses for such behaviour, including but not limited to ridding Mexican towns of drug cartels, but for an NBA player with millions of dollars at risk, to ride around like Desperado is unabashedly insane. 

2. Gloria James ain’t old. Considering that LeBron’s mother had him at the age of 16, Gloria James is still a sprite 41, making her approximately the same age as Jennifer Aniston. So yeah, Delonte is considerably younger, but he’s not THAT much younger (also remember, Delonte is crazy)

3. Gloria James is a little off her wagon too. Maybe not Delonte crazy, but she’s had her own moments of questionable judgment, like when she risked her son’s amateur basketball career by taking out an 80000 loan to buy him an H2 Hummer for his 18th birthday, before LeBron had ever made a dime playing basketball. Sure, leveraging against LeBron’s future earnings was a pretty safe bet, but LeBron could have just as easily rolled over on his ACL during a pick-up game, and be working in a Appleby’s trying to make his Hummer payments still. Also, she once showed up to a game dressed like this:

4. As scary as it sounds, this sort of stuff isn’t unheard of. In the early 1970s, New York Yankees player Fritz Peterson and teammate Mike Kekich announced that they were swapping entire families. Inseparable friends since joining the Yankees, the two decided after a double date to not only trade wives, but their children (!) and pets (!!) as well. Peterson remains married to the former Mrs. Kekich, having four additional children with her. Now, while the alleged West/James affair might be a little scuzzier, considering that LeBron was left in the dark (and this is someone’s mom for chrissake) you can’t tell me that the Yankee Wife Swap wasn’t just plain weirder.

Anyway LeBron, through his lawyer, of course denies the rumour (although Delonte and his mother himself are oddly silent.) True or not (but especially if it is true obviously) this raises a few interesting questions.

Who will be the first player to call LeBron out on this on the basketball court?

Ron Artest? Sure he’s crazy, but he’s not a jerk. Dwight Howard? Maybe in a giggling, Michael Jackson sort of way. At a party earlier today most people put their money on Stephen Jackson, who is not only crazy, but bad-ass enough to actually step up to LeBron should he snap and try to fustigate him right there on the court.

Does this mean LeBron is done in Cleveland?

Yes. Yes it does. In fact, there’s only one place he can go now. New York. Because he certainly can’t step into that building as a visitor.