I wouldn't want to be... this guy
Everybody has been drunk or at least drunk enough that the night before becomes little more than a blur but I do not think anybody I know has been so drunk that he/she could not remember being shot in the head. It took five years but a Polish man living in Germany has finally figured out that he had been shot in the head in either "2004 or 2005." I am guessing that the dude probably had a killer headache, took some Tylenol 3, drank some V8-Gatorade concoction and then tried to sleep his hangover and gunshot wound off. Earlier this week, I was made fun of by coworkers for failing to notice that the hospital had put a huge hand washing station right beside where I regularly eat. Sure I might be clueless sometimes but I really want to believe that no matter how drunk I ever become, I would eventually figure out if there was a bullet in my head. At least I hope that I would not take five years to figure it out. Regardless, does this dude automatically take top spot in the toughest man alive standings as well as the dumbest man alive standings?
I wouldn't want to be... this woman
You know how in The Simpsons there is the Crazy Cat Lady character? Well call me ignorant but that is sort of how I picture all people who love cats which brings us to Coventry, England where a video shows Mary Bale, a 50-year-old bank worker, tossing a cat in a trash bin. People who love cats are crazy and I am pretty sure that Mary Bale is going to have to pull a Steve Barton (the Chicago Cubs fan whom some Cubs supporters believe is responsible for their premature exit in the 2003 postseason), join the witness protection program and get out of dodge fast. Of course thanks to Bale's "split second of misjudgment", the incident has spawned numerous unfunny parodies and an equally bad a Whack-cat-woman game.
I wouldn't want to be... here
Earlier this week, in what I would describe as my version of hell on earth, news broke that there was a traffic jam in China that had lasted 10 days and spanned over 100-km. Apparently, at one point, the vehicles were moving little more than one kilometre a day. The drivers passed the time sleeping, walking around, or playing cards and chess while locals were selling instant noodles lunches and snacks at four times the regular price. The worst traffic jams that I have ever been involved in can be measured by hours, not days. I remember a few summers ago driving my parent's old Ford Aerostar minivan that had no air conditioning, getting stuck in traffic for over an hour and sweating so much that I wondered if I was suffering from hyperhidrosis. I cannot even imagine the stank that thousands of drivers living off of instant noodles are producing. I sure hope people were able to spare a square and there was enough toilet paper to go around.
