5 Lame Leading Ladies

Sigourney Weaver is my favourite actress of all time. Granted she’s had a pretty awesome filmography ever since the late 70’s when Alien made her a feminist icon. With brilliant performances in Gorillas in the Mist, Copycat, and Death and the Maiden, she’s solidified her place in acting history. She’s one of the most versatile actors on-screen, able to carry her own in almost any genre whether it be sci-fi, action, drama or comedy. She brings a realism to movies and characters that can often be larger than life. Even with the terrible reviews of Avatar crossing my mind, I still had to watch it because Weaver was in it, and surprise surprise, she’s the only good thing about that movie. 

Of course, Sigourney’s had her heyday, and it’s time for the torch to be passed to a new generation of young thespians, but unfortunately, the quality of actress just ain’t what it used to be. There are a handful of young ladies that are putting out quality work like Ellen Page and Michelle Williams, but overall, I’m pretty disappointed that an actress of Weaver (or Helen Mirren’s) calibre has yet to emerge.

Here are five examples of what I’m talking about:

1) Natalie Portman

As a child star, Natalie Portman had a bright future, with head-turning roles in The Professional and Beautiful Girls. Guys our age (25-30) grew up with Portman, so we kind of grew attached to her so to speak. I guess as we got older, we expected Natalie to stay the same age, frozen in time between teenagedom and adulthood. Unfortunately, everyone has to grow up, and Portman has tried, in roles like Closer (which earned her an Oscar nomination) and the recent war drama Brothers. She more or less succeeded in Closer in bridging the gap between girl-next-door and sexy vixen by playing a nymphish stripper who captures the heart of both Clive Owen and Jude Law. But as a grieving mother and wife of an Afghanistan war veteran, she can’t make it work. I can believe Natalie to some extent as a grown-up Lolita, but as a mom trying to raise two kids while mourning her presumed dead husband, I’m at a loss. She can’t show much emotion in scenes that require her to be emotional, like when Tobey Maguire’s PTSD-scarred soldier returns home after being presumed killed-in-action. In a key scene, she looks bewildered, but not in the way you’d expect. It’s like she’s waiting for someone to tell her to act, and the results are less emotionally-satisfying as a result. Brothers should’ve been a key-turning point in Portman’s career, but instead she flounders. 

2) Katherine Heigl

I guess movie studios are banking on Katherine Heigl’s statuesque figure and classic beauty-look to bring in heavy box-office numbers when they cast her in movies like 27 Dresses and The Ugly Truth. The girl’s got the goods no doubt, but are we really supposed to believe she has trouble finding a man? From Knocked Up to the aforementioned Ugly Truth, Heigl is always cast as the perpetual single gal who just can’t meet Mr. Right. I know rom-coms are technically supposed to be escapist fare, but there’s only so far you can stretch that truism before it, and she, start to grate on the nerves. Her recent action, rom-com Killers with Ashton Kutcher doesn’t do much to extend her range a whole bunch either. I suppose as long as people (and by people I mean women) are flocking to theatres for more of these kinds of movies, the more she’ll keep making them. Look forward to seeing Heigl in The Ugly Truth about 27 Dresses with Sam Worthington.

3) Scarlett Johansson

After you’re done skimming this list, I’m sure you’ll rank the hottest of the seven, and my guess is Scarlett will rate at number one. Just a hunch. 

I kind of had hopes for the girl after watching her not-so-bad performance in Ghost World opposite Thora Birch. But it’s clear from seeing her in movies like Match Point, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and Iron Man 2 that she just doesn’t have the gravitas to perform alongside the likes of people like Javier Bardem and Robert Downey, Jr. Her face barely registers any sort of feeling or emotion; she’s like a beautiful canvas with nothing on it. How exactly does she keep getting cast in serious films like The Prestige? She’s only got a few more years before the looks start to go and she heads into Jessica Alba territory – bit roles in comic-geek fare. Or, she could keep working with Woody Allen. He has a thing for women his granddaughter’s age.

4) Jennifer Aniston

No other actor produces as much revulsion in me as Rachel Green, aka Jennifer Aniston. It’s not her looks, which for some reason or another seem to get better with age. It’s the annoying persona she’s crafted fifteen years after Friends launched her and her hair to superstardom. Her rom-com roles aside, she’s a terrible dramatic actress. Watching her in more serious fare, like 2005’s Derailed, is like watching the new girl at work try to work the fax machine. Completely lost and totally unnecessary is she as a leading actress. 

5) Katie Holmes

This one’s a no-brainer. Christopher Nolan has been exceptionally good at casting actors that bring a certain edge to their roles. I’m thinking of Guy Pierce and Carrie-Anne Moss in Memento in particular (and of course Heath Ledger’s Joker in The Dark Knight), but in Batman Begins, he made the horrible decision to cast Holmes as the love interest of Bruce Wayne, a decision he tried to rectify with Maggie Gyllenhaal in TDK with mediocre results. I don’t know if it’s the dialog she’s given or that annoying shoulder tick of hers, but the former Dawson’s Creek actress just can’t make the leap into serious acting to save her life. Like Portman, she’s forever frozen in time as the girl-next-door. Maybe a few years siring Tom Cruise’s seed will straighten her out (or make things worse!)