The Middle Class Ninja

I'm going to meet a new client to discuss a business application. I'm bringing Andy along, a first year computer science student. Andy's like a little brother to me and I want him to have a head start learning about the work force before he tries to find a job in this economic crisis. I approach Andy's home, a reasonable apartment tucked away in an inconspicuous alleyway in Chinatown. I knock on the door, his Mom welcomes me and announces my presence. I make my way to Andy's room and find him watching Japanese anime.


John: Andy, do you have any other shirt? Something that doesn’t have holes in it?

Andy: No. I checked my drawer. All my shirts are old.

I look around, go into Jonathan’s room and see a plain black collared golf shirt.

John: Here, take Jonathan’s black shirt. Do you have work pants, or black jeans?

Andy: I have shorts...they're made of the same material as pants...

John: And that’s all you wear in the winter?

Andy: You can turn them into pants because at the knees, they have zippers where you can attach some sleeves. They look like Cargo pants. Is that ok?

John: Uh…and you don’t have anything else? No jeans? What did you wear to your prom?

Andy: I don’t remember. I'll see if I have something else.

Andy looks around, goes out to living room and brings back a pair of blue jeans.

John: Looks new. You never wore this before?

Andy: I don’t know who’s it is. I found it behind the TV.

John: Ok, it will do. But later, you need to buy yourself at least 2 outfits for work. Also, do you have shoes other than your white runners? They're so ghetto....I've seen the homeless wear better..

Andy: I don’t know.

I see a pair of casual brown dress shoes beside the door.

John: Take those.

Andy: Do people really care that much? All my friends dress like me.

John: Yes they do. It’s different when you work. When you go to work, it's not like you’re hanging around with your friends. You're meeting strangers of every age, every culture, and every economic/social background. Most of them will judge you by how you look.

If they see that you don’t put any effort into the way you dress, then they will assume you don't put any effort into your work. People are superficial in that way. People are too busy to do background checks into every person they meet. They don’t have time to know you. Consequently, first impressions are based on superficial qualities, like the way you talk and dress.

Andy: Ok.

John: Especially the way you talk. Remember the other day, I asked you if you knew who Muhammad Ali was? And who Mike Tyson is? Sugar Ray Robinson, George Foreman, Roberto Duran or Thomas Hearns? They are all famous boxers, and you never even heard of them? I mean...there's a Mike Tyson video game, and you still never heard of him? Or how you told me you don't know anything about Hockey, Basketball or Baseball? And how you don’t like history and you know nothing about the Vietnam war, Korean war, things happening in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Andy: Yeah, I’m not into that stuff.

John: A ninja must be able to blend into his environment. And today's environment consists of people from middle income backgrounds. You need to understand these people. You need to know what they know. You need to dress the way they dress. You need to talk the way they talk.

Here’s something I learned about middle class people. You’ve heard of nerds who spend their lives playing video games? You know how people say they live in their own little bubbles, that they know nothing about the real world, and that they live virtual fantasies?

Andy: Yeah.

John: Well think of most Toronto citizens as a video game addicts. They live in their own fantasy. They think everyone’s “traveled”. They think everyone’s been to Florida or Cuba. They think everyone has access to education, social programs and clean water. To these people, they don't realize that Canada is the bubble. Canada is not the real world. The real world is full of misery. And normal people don’t realize this. They take everything for granted.

Andy: Uh..ok. So what does this have to do with the way I dress? Or how I wasn’t alive to play a video game about Mike Tyson?

John: Well, you need to infiltrate the middle class circle. You need to be one of them. When they start asking about vacation, you can’t say to them, “I don’t know. I’ve never left chinatown.” Don't explain your family situation, because they won't understand. You need to play along with them, and give them intelligent responses. Something like, “Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go there. But you know how crazy work is… I’ll travel later in life when I’ve sorted out my career.” Because if you say anything that makes you seem ghetto, you lose their confidence. Don’t do anything to expose yourself. Protect yourself at all times.

Andy: ok.

John: So when your boss says Sundin is a Hall of Famer, don’t laugh. When co-workers discuss racial inequities, mention the North American prison system. When managers talk about their kids getting straight A's, tell them they’re awesome parents!

Andy: Ok.

John: You need to BELIEVE what you say. And to do that, you need to know as much about the world as possible. Know the people you need to work with and act like them. When you’re with poor people, be a poor person. When you’re with rich people, be a rich person. When you’re with hoodlums, be a hoodlum. You’re undercover. Don’t do anything to blow your cover. You must do everything to blend in. Your family depends on it. Got it?

Andy: Uh......ok.......