Relationship Movies For Dudes

It's a fallacy that men don't like or appreciate romantic films. I've heard women complain that they had to drag their boyfriend to a movie they wanted to watch for a change. Of course the film they often end up talking about is of the Sarah Jessica Parker or Kate Hudson mould. I can remember the line-ups of women waiting to go see the Sex and the City movie this past spring. No doubt there were a few males in that audience, grumbling as they paid thirteen-dollars to watch four women bemoan the difficulties of their love lives.

I'll admit it, I watched SATC, of my own volition and without any arm-twisting either. I was a fan of the series and hoped the film would bring some of the sharp dialogue and witty observations the show was famous for. I was sadly mistaken. Instead we got a two-and-a-half hour commercial for every chic fashion designer. The characters didn't grow or change, the romance was boring and superficial, and the drama was contrived and over-the-top. And what the fuck was with that five-minute montage of Carrie trying on dresses for?

This film grossed over $400 million worldwide. I guess I can't be that surprised, but it makes me long for a film that actually addresses relationships more maturely and creatively. What struck me about SATC was just how trite and uninteresting the material was. Is there really no interesting way to portray romance on-screen anymore?

I'd be willing to declare the romantic film genre dead if it weren't for three films: Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Before Sunrise and its sequel Before Sunset taught me more about life and relationships than any other film I've seen. Sunrise has such a simple premise for a film that delivers so much. Jesse and Celine meet on a train travelling across Europe. After taking a stroll through the beautific city that is Vienna, they fall in love. There's no gimmick. They don't start off hating each other and wind up in some ridiculous scenario that throws them into each other's arms. She's not some clutzy dame and he doesn't say something stupid that drives her away. They just talk about themselves, about their hopes and dreams. They actually like each other, and their conversation is real and genuine. It took me back to a first date I had with a girl when I was in second-year at university, and how our conversation just flowed so naturally. To see something like that captured on film is hard to do, but Sunrise does it perfectly.

As much as Sunrise was about the idealism that is inherent in all twenty-year-olds, Before Sunset is about the death of that idealism. Almost ten years after their first encounter, Jesse and Celine meet in Paris. Both in their thirties, they're now in relationships with people they don't want to be with and wonder what would have happened if they had ended up together. What if you had a chance with the one that got away , the trailer teases us. The scene in the taxi where Jesse talks about how he thought he saw Celine in New York on his wedding day has particular significance when she tells him she was in New York around that time.

Now ask yourself: could a scene like that have taken place in a Sandra Bullock movie?



Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind is another film that explores the complexity of relationships. Watching it for the third time, I appreciated it even more after having at least two relationships under my belt, and was reminded of the good and the bad that came with them.

At its core this is a film about getting hurt by the one you love, being hurt so bad that all you want to do is make that person disappear. If someone told you they could erase that someone from your memory, would you do it? I've asked myself that question ever since I watched this movie four-and-a-half years ago. Interestingly enough, I watched it with the person I thought about erasing. But would the price I pay be worth it? With every bad memory I erased, wouldn't I also lose the good memories too? And what happens after you erase that person from your mind? Do you move on like it never happened, or is there a part of you that still longs for that person? By removing someone from your memory, do you not also lose the lesson they taught you?

Eternal Sunshine actually taught me something, which is rare in film these days. It taught me that you can't move past heartache by forgetting that it happened. "Erasing" someone from your mind teaches you nothing. Relationships don't just bring you closer to someone, they teach you something about yourself. As fucked up as they may be at times, their value can't be underestimated and it is to our folly if we should try to forget what we learned from them.

These aren't films for everyone of course, and some people will always prefer the simplistic inanity that is Failure To Launch. But that's okay because these three films will always remind us of what a real relationships are all about.

Happy New Year by the way.