I’ll admit I’m a bit of closet fan of romantic comedies. I don’t go out to watch all of them, and I’ll avoid a host of them if I can, but a rom-com, properly made and with a good cast and director, will always get my attention.
It’s common for the two romantic leads in these films to start off as enemies or complete opposites, than through some zany circumstances, wind up together. That’s at least the model for most rom-coms, The Ugly Truth’s of the bunch.
The smarter ones, however, try to subvert this notion, or at least throw in some clever dialog to throw us off, but in the end they’re each doing the same thing – making us think that despite being completely opposite or wrong for each other, the two romantic leads are meant to be together.
When Harry Met Sally… is a perfect example of this, a film about two people with absolutely nothing in common that start off hating each other but manage to become friends. They hang out long enough and often enough that it turns physical, at which point they drift apart, only to come back together (on New Years Eve of all nights), where Billy Crystal delivers one of those typical speeches about all the quirky things he likes about Meg Ryan.
Why do these characters, who share nothing in common and always argue, get together at the end? Because the script says they should. But herein lies the problem. In reality, a silly speech like that isn’t going to convince a perfectly smart woman to forget that they’re incompatible as lovers. Sure, she might find it endearing and feel bad, but people don’t get together simply because one of them arrives two minutes before midnight to tell them they love them.
Lately, rom-coms have gotten more sophisticated, and the usual rom-com rules are followed less strictly. Take last summer's (500) Days of Summer, for example. It starts off by telling us that the two love birds won’t get together in the end, so we know right there and than not to expect some BS happy ending. And instead of the characters being completely opposite and hating each other only to fall for one another through some hilarious pratfalls, they actually like each other.
Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer (Zooey Deschanel) have almost everything in common. They both belong to that most annoying of annoying sub-cultures we call hipsters. Except Summer wants to keep things casual, which starts out OK for Tom, until he falls completely head-over-heels in love with her. Needless to say, it ends poorly for Tom.
There’s a lot in this movie to like, from its earnest lead characters, to its hip indie soundtrack, to its odd-ball filmic choices (including a musical number). But it still relies too heavily on romantic clichés, making it less poignant. At one point, Tom has an outburst in a work meeting about the phoniness of love where he delivers some really keen insight, but there’s no way anyone would say all that in a board meeting, thus ruining their career. In the end, it's a modest effort, but it could've been so much more.
I guess my biggest problem with rom-coms is that they eerily reflect my own experiences with dating, especially (500) Days. Except there’s no closing credits and happy ending in my world. Like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I’m glued to the idea that there’s one person for me out there, and have been burned thinking that way more times than I care to recall. I guess that’s what makes the ending so real, because while he doesn’t get the girl, he at least has hope.
Maybe that’s all these movies can really offer. But hope can be a dangerous thing. They can fill an otherwise normal person with high expectations on what to expect from the person they're so enamoured with. And this is problematic for serveral reason.
First, no one should use rom-coms, or movies in general, as a guide on romance. These are scripted lives, and while the characters or situations may resemble your own experiences, they're still fictional.
Second, and most important of all, do not assume the girl or boy of your dreams to feel the same way you do just because you share a few things in common (liking the same movies for example). Common interests do not equal common aspirations, and while the person you like may seem perfect because he or she has an unusual fondness for The Smiths doesn't mean they like like you.
Dating is complicated, love even more so, and it takes more than just a common appreciation for obscure music to make sparks fly. Both parties have to feel it, connect in a way that no one else does for it to work. Otherwise, it's just a very sad misunderstanding.
The point is, don't trust that things will work out just because your interests mesh. And don't base your approach on what some movie told you. More importantly, don't buy into the soul-mate hype these movies hock. It'll only end poorly.
