The Clash of Mediums: Four Terrible Comic Book Movies

I’m not sure whom we have to blame (or praise) for the plethora of comic book movies we’ve seen over the last decade (probably the Salkinds, who produced Superman back in 1978), but no one can deny that the two mediums have collided like no other. They are to the 00’s what musicals were to the 40’s and 50’s, for better or worse.

So, in anticipation of The Losers, the latest comic-to-film adaptation, sucking (and a lack of better ideas), I’ve listed below some of the worst comic book adaptations of all time.

Not every superhero or comic book transfers well to the big-screen, while others were simply the product of poor directing/writing/acting, etc. I’ve ignored obvious choices (Batman & Robin, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, etc.) in favour of ones that flat out disappointed or just pissed me off. 

So behold minions, I give you the four worst comic book adaptations of all time!

1) Daredevil

While the rest of these movies are ranked in no particular order, Daredevil earns a special place at the top for one simple reason: they ruined my favourite comic book hero of all time! Yes, in the past I’ve picked Batman as the best, but Matt Murdock is the man, someone beset with tragedy all his life, but is nevertheless filled with that can-do spirit that makes him a true hero. He’s blind, he grew up in the slums, he was bullied mercilessly as a child, and his father was murdered by gangsters. And despite all this he still trained and used his special abilities to become Daredevil, one of the best superheroes in the Marvel universe. 

Daredevil comics contain some of the grittiest storytelling in the superhero genre, with plenty of material to comb through. Clearly this film is drawing upon Frank Miller’s seminal run on the title, but instead of making an inspired picture, director Mark Steven Johnson is clearly jacking the best parts of Miller’s work and hoping fanboys will catch all the references. It never flies. I didn’t care for the story (a slipshod mashing of “The Man Without Fear” and “Last Hand”), I didn’t care for the acting (Ben Affleck’s worst performance), and I certainly didn’t care for its mid-00’s nu metal soundtrack. Remember that pointless scene of Elektra training to the music of Evanescence? Ack!

The only thing saving this movie from total disaster is Colin Farrell as Bullseye. He clearly was winking at the audience the entire time, playing it for laughs while the rest of the cast tried real hard to make a serious movie. Shameful is the only word I can think to describe it.

2) The Punisher 

There have been three attempts at turning Frank Castle’s life as vigilante The Punisher into a film, all with pretty lousy results, both critically and financially. Having not watched the Dolph Lundgren version, I can only attest to the last two’s merits. Punisher: War Zone surprised me. It was so bad it was good. It actually stayed true to the comic’s version of Punisher, specifically Garth Ennis’ Max series, with over-the-top violence and dark humour. But the 2004 version starring Thomas Jane and John Travolta was a total waste. 

Like the Daredevil movie, this film jacks some of the plotlines from a seminal run in the Punisher canon (specifically Ennis’ "Welcome Back, Frank"), but misses the ball completely, offering us a watered-down Punisher in a cheap revenge movie.

Thomas Jane's Castle is a decorated police officer whose family is killed by a mob boss in retaliation for the death of his son in an undercover operation; Castle goes after mob boss and co. The end. There’s a subplot involving Castle’s neighbours, clearly taken from "Welcome Back, Frank," that provides the only bit of joy in this otherwise joyless movie. 

Punisher is probably the worst person to adapt a film from. His origin story is basically the plot of Death Wish, and he himself isn’t terribly charismatic – basically a darker Batman. Best to leave him in the comics medium where he belongs.

3) Watchmen

The movie adaptation of the Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons classic had a lot going for it: a fan-favourite director (Zack Snyder), awesome trailer, decent cast… Gibbons himself said in a Q&A that this was going to be the best movie adaptation of an Alan Moore book. Well, you were wrong Dave, it wasn’t. I don’t think you can adapt anything Moore’s done; which is probably why he takes his name off these things.

Fact is despite its impressive look, Watchmen isn’t that exciting as a movie. Its politics feel dated, the story is all over the place, and the acting doesn’t bring out the core of the characters (Rorschach is the exception). What we’re left with is a so-so adaptation. I didn’t hate the movie, nor was I bored. But I wasn’t wowed or thrilled or even remotely impressed. Maybe it’s the purist in me who loves the book so much that it keeps me from appreciating this movie, but judging by its chilly reception at the box office, I don’t feel like I’m alone on this. (Although Malin Akerman in spandex and a black whig = priceless).

4) Spider-Man 3

Part of me wonders what series of events had to transpire in order to make Spider-Man 3 such a crappy, crappy movie. Was it Avi Arad’s forcing of Venom down Sam Mendes throat? Was it the incredibly weak Sandman killing Uncle Ben subplot? Or was it just the impossible task of making a good third movie, which are notoriously hard to pull off? Or maybe all of the above? 

Who knows, who cares? This movie sucked, and not even because of Venom. It was that awful scene where the butler tells Harry Osborne his father died by his own hand. Great. Thanks for keeping that a secret this whole time, Alfred wannabe. 

By the way, I doubt an alien symbiote would turn Peter Parker into some lame emo kid. Just sayin’, there are better ways of showing one’s dark side than changing their hairstyle.