The Laws Of Attraction

~ by Auvniet K. Tehara

I have always been interested in the dating and mating rituals of men and women, especially in terms of the qualities that attract the opposite sex. What is it that we seek in a partner? And how does that differ between the sexes? As I browsed the internet searching articles on the topic, almost everyone seemed to be an expert on what men and women want. This, combined with my quirky and slightly bookish hobby of survey research, prompted me to create and conduct an online survey aimed at uncovering some of the most intriguing information about the chemistry of attraction.

But before I present my results, it is important to understand how I arrived at them.  The respondents were a compilation of my friends through university (Calgary and Toronto) and other activities including politics and my travels, I then asked my friends to forward the survey to their friends. This non-random methodology, known as snowballing, gives this research project an interesting pretence and value. If I were to describe the typical respondent, I would say that most are in their mid to late twenties, liberal (literally – as many of my contacts are members of the Young Liberals of Canada), well-educated (hold one degree or more) and open-minded.  

As I mentioned earlier, the internet is inundated with scores upon scores of dating and relationship advice. There are many lists, article, and blogs that dissect the qualities that men and women admire in each other, however most lack any numbers or proof of their validity.  This is where my research comes in.  Although the non-random nature does not make this a true reflection of the general population, it does offer some insight into what liberal, educated urbanities seek in their partners. 

In total 33 men and 52 women responded to my survey. The results are discussed below:

Top Five Qualities Men Prefer in Women

1.      Intelligence – The men of my survey prefer a woman they can converse with, one who doesn’t get a brain freeze at the mention of politics and actually cares about things other than shopping, doing her nails and gossiping.

2.      Beauty – The way a woman looks is the most important characteristic for a lot of the male respondents.  Many men noted that beauty is relative but this was an overwhelmingly popular choice. Breasts, bum, eyes and lips were mentioned a few times as important features. In many ways this speaks to visual nature of men!

3.      Personality – Those fulsome breasts and that tight ass can only go so far, and they tend to droop with age. Her personality is there for life. I must say I am a little unclear what men mean by “personality”, it seems like a broad category.

4.      Sense of Humour – This was a very important quality for the men in my survey and it also happened to be a top quality for women as well. It’s important to note that sense of humour means different things; for men it’s the ability for women to enjoy their humour and not so much make them laugh.

5.      Honesty –Not much to say here. It’s pretty standard. 

Top Five Turnoffs in Women

1.      Lack of intelligence – Men want to be able to have a conversation with women; talking to brick wall can get boring.  At the end of the day, no one wants to be with a girl who thinks “prorogue” is a Ukrainian dumpling.  

2.      Arrogance – An arrogant woman thinks she knows everything. She doesn’t. And men hate that.

3.      Selfishness – Men don’t like women who are the centre of their own universe.

4.      Ugly/Unattractive – Looks do matter and for the men surveyed there were various things that were listed including: too fat, too skinny, short hair and not caring about her appearance.

5.      Rude – This can be caused by an inflated sense of entitlement, commonly exhibited by princesses. Don’t expect him to pay for everything and pander to your every request, because he won’t be around for much longer.                  

Top Five Qualities Women Prefer in Men

1.      Intelligence – It was interesting that intelligence was listed as the most important quality for the women in my survey. This finding is not in line with most of the research available on-line. From what I gather this is mainly attributable to my sampling of well-educated women. Research shows that women are less willing to settle with men with less education than themselves. So this is well in-line with the demographics of this group. From talking with friends and other woman it is important to them to have a man who is their intellectual equal and the data verifies this.   

2.      Sense of Humour – As mentioned earlier, women like men who can make them laugh. According to a recent article in the British newspaper The Telegraph women prefer funny men because they feel they are smarter and more honest. However research shows that intelligence and humour are not linked.    

3.      Honesty – I think this one is simple. Women want to be able to trust men and honesty is important in this process. 

4.      Kindness – Women really value a man who cares for them. Kindness is probably one of the most important things for me. I think that it’s in all the little things, like knowing that there is only enough milk for one coffee in the morning and leaving it for her even if you know it means you’re going to be groggy in that 7:30am marketing meeting.   

5.      Good-looking – Ranking one lower than where men placed looks, women too think that physical attractiveness is important. Tall and athletic seems to be something that the women in my survey mentioned as desirable characteristics.  

Top Five Turnoffs in Men

1.      Arrogance – This one is important. This was overwhelmingly the most popular choice among women. Women hate arrogant men! And why is this? Arrogance is a sign of a lack of self confidence. The women surveyed prefer men who are comfortable with themselves and arrogance is generally seen as a sign of insecurity. However the flip side to this is men who are meek and submissive. The key message is confidence not cockiness.  

2.      Dishonesty – This one just cost Adam Giambrone his mayoral bid and is on the minds of women everywhere. Deceitfulness, lying and fraudulent behavior are all in this category. Really, its pretty self explanatory, not much else to say here.

3.      Rudeness – Rudeness is another characteristic woman can’t stand. Whether it’s talking down to the waitress or freaking out at the dry-cleaner for over-starching his shirts, women prefer a man who treats others with respect.      

4.      Poor hygiene – This includes bad breath, unpleasant odors, general lack of cleanliness and, my personal favorite, dirty table manners. No one likes to see you lick your French fry-greased and ketchup-laden fingers. I don’t think I’ve met many women who have been able to overlook this important factor. My one piece of advice to every guy out there struggling in the dating scene is to enlist a good female friend to provide you with a hygiene assessment. Not the most glamorous task for you to undertake but essential if you want to exchange those night of beer guzzling, nachos and football for star-gazing  with the woman or your dreams, or a slumber party pour deux with Miss Right Now. Whatever it is you’re looking for, bottom line, your signature scent, dirty laundry and greasy hair is killing your game! 

5.      Lack of Ambition – I think that this answer speaks to women’s desires for a man who is goal- and career-oriented. I think what women are really saying with this is that they want a man who shows he has earning potential. I really think ambition is code for money, but I could be wrong.