My dad led an interesting childhood, so it's unfortunate that he rarely talks about it. He prefers to speak about the pleasant things of retirement, rather than reflect on the trying years of his youth. So three years ago, when my dad spoke about his past, I immediately blogged about it. It's one of my favourite blog entries, so I'll re-post here for those interested in a story about growing up in mid-20th century China.
Dad was born in Fushan City, China in 1935. He is the fifth child out of eight. He did not get an opportunity to be close with his brothers and sisters. The list below of siblings in descending order of age explains why:
1. oldest brother: died a few months after child birth
2. brother: died a few months after child birth
3. sister: survived childbirth, sold to another family because no money to feed her
4. sister: survived childbirth, sold to another family because no money to feed her
5. dad: survived childbirth, was kept by the family
6. brother: survived child birth, sold to another family because no money to feed him
7. brother: survived childbirth, was kept by family
8. youngest brother: survived childbirth, was kept by family
Dad didn't know his two sisters because grandfather and grandmother sold them at an early age. Dad was still a baby when his first brother was sold (#6). At the age of 9, he welcomed his first brother (#7). Dad left his family before the birth of his youngest brother (#8). It would be 65 years later before he would see any of them again.
Life in China between 1936 and 1949 was difficult because of a long stretch of wars: Second Sino-Japanese, World War II, Chinese Civil War. Grandfather was a violent man. A difficult day at work meant grandfather had a reason to hit his children (dad has a scar on his head from being slammed onto a table). Grandmother cried often when grandfather recklessly spent his pay on evening events while the family starved. This didn't bother grandfather because no one challenged his authority as man of the house.
In 1949, the Chinese economic and political climate deteriorated drastically. Dad's family could barely feed its members. So at the age of 14, dad left his family forever.
Dad accompanied a relative to Hong Kong to find work. Things started off well, so he wrote a letter back home. Here's a re-creation of that letter. (Excuse the poor grammar - dad is a grade 4 drop out)
August 14, 1949
Hello father, hello mother. I hope everything is well. I have been in Hong Kong with uncle for a few months now.
Hong Kong is very different from Fushan. It is very beautiful. I feel like I'm in a different part of the world. All the roads are made with pavement and the buildings are all made of stone and bricks. Most buildings are 3 floors high, and some are even as high as 5 floors. The roads also have special magic cars that move by themselves. It is very amazing! A lot of people wear nice Gwy Lo (foreign devils) suits. Everyone looks very rich. I am very happy when I see them because it means I will be like them very soon. I will have money too.
Uncle found a job in a metal plating factory the first day he came to Hong Kong. The factory manager is very nice man and lets uncle sleep in the factory. At nights, uncle sneaks me into factory so I can have a place to sleep as well. (Dad, along with other factory workers, slept on straw mats next to their station). Uncle said next year, when I am older, he will ask the manager to hire me into the factory as well.
When I first came to Hong Kong, I couldn't find work. People said I was too young. But I found ways because I am smart. A few days ago, I found a job. In my job, I have to roll paper tubes that people use for drinking. I take a special type of paper and I roll it up, and then I use a special type of glue. The boss said that I get paid 1 cent for every 1000 tubes I roll. I work all day and I can roll 6000 tubes and I make 6 cents. So now, every day, I can buy two man-taos buns. It is not much money right now, but I will make more. I am getting better at this job, so one day, I will roll many more tubes and make a lot more money. When I have enough money, I will send some back to you.
It is getting late. I have to walk back to the factory because Uncle is waiting for me. I will write back soon. Good bye!
Sincerely,
Lai Yeg On
A few months later, my dad received his first letter from home. He opened it with excitement and read it.
February 20, 1950
We did not get money from you yet. When are you sending?
Grandfather Lai
yo, doesnt it feel overwhelming during those moments you realize your parents led pretty f'd up lives so you can have a pretty comfortable one? like really overwhelming and depressing, but happy too.
Any chance we will read more about your father?
yeah, it will be tough for me to write about my dad's past before I was born because he doesn't liek to takl about it. But maybe I should write more about the dad I know, which can be just as interesting..
Someday, i'll have to live in a village of a 3rd world country. I have to see that kind of life for myself to really know what my parents went through. Otherwise, I'd feel really guilty...
Going back to you roots is necessary, even if it's just to understand why your parents and/or grandparents left. I went to Pula, Croatia, where my maternal grandparents are from and so could finally get an idea of the people my grandparents were. This year I hope to go to Singapore where my dad and his parents were born. It's been a long time coming.
I know exactly what you mean.
It's shocking to read your dad's story, but I suppose it wasn't back then. Amazing what past generations have lived through... do you think it's all relative when comparing to the modern hardships of life for us now? My Polish grandmother was taken by the Germans at age 12 and was forced to work in the concentration camps. She had many hardships after that, physically, emotionally and financially. She was one of the most amazing and wisest people I knew because of the what she learned from life experience. So do you think that by growing up with a roof over our heads, food on the table and a good education that the hardships we face of trying to fit in and make a life - with all these options they never had - that we have it easier or harder?? Or do you think it's just a lot of pressure to live up to being good enough knowing what they went through?
It feels we have it very easy, which isn't a bad thing. But we're not making effective use of what we have to make things better for everyone else. that's how I feel about it these days....maybe it's feeling guilty? to take things for granted?
the life of your dad is so foreign to people like me... first generation kids who despite growing up lower-middle-class/working class, have lived an infinitely easier and more privileged life. i really admire your commitment to document as much of it as you can. your dad's story would be good enough for even a memoir. maybe something to think about...